At my very first prenatal appointment in 2013, my OB told me that my pubic bones were narrow and to keep that in mind. I tucked it away into memory but didn't think so much of it.
So Austins pregnancy was not how I imagined I would be as a pregnant lady. I got violently sick when I was 9 weeks pregnant and ended up in the hospital for fluids. From that point on, I was sick almost every single day for months. It was a constant battle between eating breakfast or just waiting for the nausea to hit. It was all day long, ginger ale and having to be on medication so I could keep anything down. In the beginning, I had no energy, other then what I gave to my high school Health & PE classes and I'd sleep in my office during my down time. When the nausea and vomiting finally went away, I was SO hungry, I gained weight quickly! It was almost painful but my body just needed the nutrients and calories. Needless to say, it wasn't the most pretty pregnancy. Swollen, I worked until 39 weeks and then waited.
I was due on Monday, June 30, 2014. The last month is always hard but that heat of summer did not help the swelling! So most of the last week of pregnancy was spent floating in our pool. I remember going to bed on the 30th thinking I was going to be pregnant forever.
Austin had other plans... At 1:30 am, I got up to go to the bathroom and my water broke. We called the doctor and they told us to take our time. Yeah, right! As excited, naive, soon to be new parents we only waited about an hour. (If I had a do over of this...I'd have waited MUCH longer!) We checked in, got hooked up and checked out around 3 am and yes, my water had broken but I wasn't dilated at all. So, we waited. I got moved to my L&D room not long after and I was given pitocin. I wanted to labor as long as I could without the epidural (but I knew I wanted it). So sometime in the early afternoon, after hours of pain, and not much progress with dilating, I asked for it.
So my spine was not easy for the anesthesiologist and it took many tries to get the epidural in. On one try, I got shooting pain down my leg (as I am sure a nerve was hit). Eventually, even though she referred to my back as "tricky", it was successful. The epidural actually was supposed to help me progress and it did. Sometime around 5:00pm, the doctor came in hurriedly, and said "Rachel, I am worried about this baby boy, we need to get him out." (Not what a mommy wants to hear.) So, I began pushing. The first push, everyone got so excited because they could see blond hair.
Then I pushed again. And again. And again I pushed for over 3 hours. I have never experienced anything like it...trying with all your might, over and over again and nothing changing. Not any movement...no progress. Pain in my bones. Exhaustion from not having slept the night before. Physical weakness from not being allowed to eat anything. Pushing. Pushing. Pushing.
So around 8:30pm, I looked at my sweet husband and through tears said, "I can't do it anymore."
They had thrown around c-section at some point during the hours and hours of pushing. At that point, I honestly didn't care how he came out, so long as he got out safely.
So we went in for an emergency c-section. That was probably the most enjoyable part of the whole day because he was out within 8 minutes. We saw the most beautiful blond hair, blue eyed big baby, 8lbs 11oz boy. He was perfect and healthy.
It was one of the best and hardest days of my life. All I could think of after he was delivered was how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten in 24 hours!
I was living in a daze. I was handed this beautiful baby, as a first time mama, who wasn't thinking clearly (because no food/no sleep), I had no clue what to do. He was hungry but my milk wasn't coming. He would cry and not sleep. Then he started losing weight and we had to supplement until my milk came in. I cried over this multiple times...I felt like a failure. You have the lactation junkies telling you "NO, NO, no supplementing" but this beautiful baby who is hungry! So after tears and asking for input we gave him ounces of formula and I am so happy we did. My milk did come in and we were very successful in the nursing department.
Those first few weeks for me were HARD. The hormones were cray cray! I could cry about anything and nothing and I second guessed everything. I have done much research in the past few months and learned about how crazy hormones can be and also about something called Postnatal Depletion. It is interesting...read about it here!
I share this story for a number of reasons.
First, because it is OUR story. It is something that I experienced and learned So much from!
Second, that it is okay to adjust your birth plans. We are so lucky to live in a time when we have tremendous medical options. It is also okay to supplement with formula so your baby gets what they need while your body, as a new mama, heals.
Third, because I know we are not the only ones who have experienced a birth story like this. (One that didn't go quite as planned.) I have come to accept it and be okay with the journey of it.
Thanks for reading! If you have ever experienced similar or have questions, please feel free to email :)
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